I was sitting in my room just this morning and opened my Bible to do some journaling and some reading. I was really in the mood for it. I went to grab my Bible highlighter when I heard the pages flipping by themselves. It stopped on Job 29:11, so thats where I started. As I was reading, I started taking a lot of notes about my faith in God. This reminded me of a conversation I had with friends the other day, so I decided to write about my thoughts on this.
It is not stagnant. It is not something that you just think about for a few minutes and let go. It is a part of one’s life and it is one of the greatest parts that I have ever let in.
I will admit, I am not one for churches. Of course, I plan on visiting churches and maybe even changing my mind in the future, but for now, I am happy with my current relationship with God.
I think that sometimes people find Christianity to be so stagnant and still. Staying in one place, praying to God that He will change everything and give you all of the blessings of the world. There is nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but it is not how I have recently perceived things. There is so much more than words that is put into this: it is lots of work and dedication.
It is going out of your comfort zone, reaching out to others that you have never spoken to before, showing others compassion even if you don’t agree with them. It is facing your fears of heights just to see God’s creations, it is pushing yourself to speak to your friends more often, it is buying a stranger’s drink that’s behind you in line; what I am saying is that it is something that guides you to new opportunities. It is bravery, it is love, it is understanding, even when you know that you disagree with all of the above.
For example: I have been pushing myself more than ever to get up out of bed and see people. For those who don’t know, I have struggled with an anxiety and panic disorder since I was a child. I am deathly shy because of this. I’m usually not the sort of person to go out with friends for coffee everyday or go on random walks when I’m bored, so I have decided to push myself and reach out to those around me.
It’s hard to get out of bed sometimes because you honestly do feel the world on your shoulders, telling you to just give up and lay down because sometimes life is too much to handle. During these times, I have been opening up my Bible and journaling how I feel about what I’m reading. I honestly do feel inspired by what I have read and I want to bring myself up and follow the path that God has created for me.
So far, my life has changed for the better. Things that I never saw myself doing (riding giant rollercoasters, talking to so many people, making so many plans, trying new foods, exploring cities, etc.) ended up coming up around my life and I took those opportunities by the hand and held on as hard as I could.
My life is not fixed, though. I am not this wonderfully happy person with a perfect life. I want people to know this about me.
God’s plan is never that simple. Sometimes things come up and the path gets foggy. Sometimes I cannot get out of bed because of how my mind races, or because of how badly I am hyperventilating over my fears. This is when I feel I am tested the most and this is when I feel as though I have to push through. I have learned trust because of Him. It was rough at first because I honestly don’t trust many people in the first place. If anyone knows me, you usually have to ask about me or else I MOST LIKELY will not tell you much about myself. I’ve always had trouble with this, and I have worked so so SO hard to be able to trust Him and His path that He is paving for me.
Christianity is so much more than the mere belief in God (it is a crucial part, yes, but it is not everything.) It is trusting Him, loving others, showing others respect and care, and most of all, learning how to respect yourself. That has been the hardest part for me, due to how insecure I am about my own appearance.
I guess what I am trying to say overall is that it is a never ending journey. It is paying it forward, being thankful for blessings, always pushing and challenging yourself, and understanding one another. The meaning of Christianity is different for everyone, so take it as you will, but for me, it is your actions that mean the world to Him and to your brothers and sisters.
I can’t think of anything else to dig from the garden of my mind. I hope that you guys will pay it forward today and challenge yourself to do something different.
Lots of love to all of you, no matter who you are.