Currently I am sitting in my bedroom and thinking about the notion of being meant to be.
I will warn you all, I can be pretty depressing when it comes to this subject. This is going to be a very personal blog and I hope that I can reach some of you with my words. This blog is going to be different from what I usually do.
I’m going to include a playlist because, well, if I can’t explain myself through these words well enough, then maybe the music will speak more volumes.
Click on the picture to take a listen.
I have always had a hard time making friends and creating long lasting relationships. I always blamed myself and thought that I needed to step up, thought that I needed to understand people better next time.
I guess that I am trying to come to terms with some facts about myself that I have honestly been running away from for quite some time.
I honestly do believe this is the case for me. I am trying hard to come to terms with, as well as prepare myself for, the fact that I will be alone in the future. No-one is meant for me.
I don’t mean this in a depressing way. I honestly just believe that I am really hard to figure out and know, and usually relate to, so I honestly do not think that anybody is out there for me.
This for me is the loudest silence.
Love is the best thing that we do, in my opinion. We mess up so much in our lives, but love lasts in the end. We scream how we feel in our hearts and in our heads but the words that could come out of our mouth will never suffice; our actions and quirks say everything. Love is truly everything. If no-one is meant for me, then I would assume that I will not be able to experience everything that I hoped for.
“Actually there is a word for that, it’s love. I’m in love with her, okay? If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love! And when you love someone, you just, you don’t stop, ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy
Even then, especially then! You just, you don’t give up because if I could give up, if I could just, you know, take the whole world’s advice and.. and move on and find someone else that wouldn’t be love! That would be, that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for!”
Putting myself out there to the world is rough. I have a reckless love, one that is never ending. I would move mountains for the people I love while others I could not even fathom buying them lunch. I am a very passionate person and I hope that one day I can truly show that side of me better, but for now, I feel as though I am slow dancing by myself in a dark room, if that makes any sense.
I’ve been consulting my Bible many many times during my thought processes and have prayed many times over it.
I’m not quite sure what this blog is about, to be quite honest with you all. I guess I just needed to have a conversation with you all about my thoughts and see what you have to say.
Feel free to message me or comment your thoughts down below.
Thank you all for reading.