A Letter to 19

Dear Megan,

365 days. 365 days changed you completely. Your life is not the same as it was before, and now that you are about to turn 20, things will only continue to change.  When you just turned 19, you didn’t really know much about the future. You never knew that you would start a blog and love every single minute of it. You never knew that you would find God, and through Him, find more peace in your heart. You never knew that you would get your heart broken and you never knew that it would still somehow be one of the best ages so far in your life. You are still confused, of course. You are nearing the end of 19 and you still pray for answers every single chance you get. Because not all things are predictable; this is definitely one thing that has been hammered into your mind this year. Someone once told you that people make plans and God laughs in their face. Well your plans must have been hysterical.  Right now, as your almost 20-year-old self is typing this, you have run out of words to say. You’re thinking about all of the events that have happened before this point and your mind begins to feel… light. There are so many song, pictures, and words that COULD describe all of these events, but they are never enough.

Then you think of the people that have made this possible. You see their faces in your mind; some of them are not in your life right now, and that’s okay, and some of them have stuck around for the show. You have found a beautiful group of people and you can only hope that things won’t change too much between them all. They have impacted your life so much.

This all happened because of you. This all happened because of you overcoming your fears of the unknown. It was your decision to leave West Virginia and your decision to leave your dorm on the first day to explore and to really see the beauty of independence for the first time.

I want you to be proud of yourself for coming this far. I want you to be proud of the person that has gone down God’s beautiful path so far. Mistakes have been made, yes, but you have learned and grown from them. You have become a better person through your actions.

I want to give you some advice for now, because I know very well that you are in need of some.

That ache in your heart? You know exactly why it is there. I want you to pray about it often. Very often. I want you to focus a little more on school and a little more on yourself. I don’t mean ordering açaí bowls and painting your nails, either; I mean getting up out of bed and going to the library some days because you know you have an assignment you need to work on. I want you to clean your room because you work better in clean spaces and take a night to yourself instead of inviting friends over so that you don’t overwork yourself. That is what I mean by self-care.

Look up a little more often and slow down. Really focus on the beauty that God has put in front of you.

Speaking of Him, He has always been your top priority, especially recently, but now I want you to truly focus on Him. You have found someone that you adore on this world, someone that you know does not feel the same way that you do. I know that you are in pain over this person. Do not distract yourself from this pain; Go to Him. Please.. trust Him with your whole heart and you will never regret it. Hope that one day you will look back and laugh because I know that the ache in your heart is real. It is ever going, but please have hope in yourself and in Him.

Well, I am about done with this letter. I’m not sure what else to say to you right now so I best be going now.

Actually, I am going to end this letter to you with the short beginning of a story. A story that you know decently well so far, but I thought that I should include it in this letter.

A psychologist walks by a Subway on her 15-minute break and orders a wrap, unknowingly shoving herself into a friend group with a biologist, an artist, a businessman, and an actor. She was a vegetarian at the time, but she enjoyed the conversation that had passed by her so much that she ate the bacon guacamole wrap without even realizing that it had meat in it; the beauty of the people in front of her was worth the $10.60 spent.

I’ll tell you all the rest of that story some other time.

This is sort of random, but I need to thank the almost 4,000 of you that have read my blogs since I have started it. That number blows my mind and seriously makes me tear up sometimes.

This blog has changed my life inthe best way possible, as it allows me to bring more of myself to the surface; I’m a very inward thinking person, is what I am trying to say. This truly is one of my main coping mechanisms and your support has given me so much strength.

Here is to 20. I can only pray that it will bring beautiful things just as 19 did.

 – Megan

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