Surrender of The Heart

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The moment that you enter into any kind of human undertaking in relationship, what an act of faith. See, you’ve given yourself up. But this is the most powerful thing that can be done. Surrender. See. And love is an act of surrender to another person. Total abandonment. I give myself to you. Take me. Do what…anything you like with me. See. So, that’s quite mad because you see, it’s letting things get out of control. All sensible people keep things in control. . . So, actually, therefore, the course of wisdom, what is really sensible, is to let go, is to commit oneself, to give oneself up and that’s quite mad. So we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity.

Alan Watts – Falling in Love

This piece of an excerpt is something that I have come across on social media and I have not regretted playing it back to myself over and over again. 

I immediately related this to my faith, as I have been worrying a lot about if I have been doing things right. I know that I am not someone that is completely worthy of His love, but I can say for a fact that I am trying to be someone that MIGHT be worthy one day. 

Because I have no idea what I am doing. I go to church twice a week, read my Bible very often, try to speak to others who have the same beliefs that I do, and pray every day, yet I still feel as though I have no idea what I am doing. 

This excerpt made me realize that I have to truly dive in and be okay with being wrong sometimes. I worry so much about if I am not doing something correctly or if I could be doing more, when I honestly dove headfirst into a religion that I knew nothing about to begin with. I mean, I didn’t go to church or anything growing up and I wasn’t exactly properly introduced to the Bible at a young age (which is not a bad thing, as all people have their own beliefs. I am more than grateful that my family allowed me to choose my own path with my beliefs). 

So when I say surrender of the heart, I want to surrender even more of myself to God. I want to take the first steps of becoming even closer to Him than I ever have before in my life. I have already started this process, and I know that I will be able to finish it with the right information and support. 

To me, the first step in my own mental journey will be to like myself a little more. I’m not going to jump and say that I need to be head over heels in love with myself, because well, I feel as though that is many steps ahead from where I am now. I will not lie to you all and say that I am the most confident person alive because it is quite the contrary. I constantly worry about my physical attributes and struggle with an anxiety disorder. I don’t talk to people about my problems or my worries very often either, so everything is usually pretty bottled up; I have grown to be quite the actress. 

I want to like myself because I want to know why I was created. I want to know why I look like this and why I feel the need to make sure that others don’t go through what I went through in my life. 

If me getting closer to God and getting closer to lighting my path means that I let things go slightly out of control, then so be it. I have full confidence that His plan will get me through anything. I have faith in Him and in myself.

The moment you take a step, you do so on an act of faith because you don’t really know that the floor’s not going to give under your feet. The moment you take a journey, what an act of faith.

Alan Watts – Falling in Love

As always, thank you for reading. I hope you have a great day and I hope that you will take care of yourself, no matter what you believe in. You deserve the best.

– Megan

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