The Words (You and I) Never Said (2)

I was looking through my drafts when I saw this old gem gathering dust. I’m not sure why I did not post this to begin with, but here I am nonetheless.

For those who are not familiar, this is a blog post where I speak with people who had words that they were never able to, or are currently struggling to, say to someone special. Does not have to be romantic, though; it can be to anyone from your brother to your cat from when you were five. Click here to read the first blog that I mention here.

As always, I asked my Instagram followers, as well as my Facebook friends, to send in their words that were left unsaid/to send in the messages that they hope someone will get someday. Here are a few.

I’m going to include my own words that I wished I could have said in this post. Mine is the first one. I hope you guys read this and always say what you want or need to say.

Worry about yourself for once. I cannot stress this enough because I know for a fact that you look at other people and make a carbon copy of them within yourself, shrouding who you really are. I know that you may not know who you are right now, but please try to find out. Let yourself go through the motions and let yourself get lost.

I hate you because you’re me.

I’m not sure I’ll ever get over you. I’m starting to accept I left a piece of my heart with you and I hope you keep it always. There are still so many words stuck in my throat. I want to apologize for what I did, and for what you did to us. Our love didn’t deserve that. I still think about my future, and you’re still there. Even when I’m with him-and I love him; differently than I have loved you, of course- sometimes I still stop your name from rolling off my tongue.

I’m sorry.

To the boy at school: We’ve known each other since like first grade and this year we’ve grown to become distant friends. You’re so careless and sweet and I don’t even think you notice the side glances you receive from my eyes. You’ll leave this year and most likely not even give me a second thought. Thank you for being my first non-official heart break.

I’m sorry I hurt you for really no reason. I guess I wanted to share the hurt that was inside me and I went about it the wrong way.

Stop taking people in your life for granted. Life isn’t eternal and the people you love aren’t always going to be around.

I know you got to see me get accepted to college, but I wish you could’ve gotten me through it. Or at least been there for part of it. I’m taking Arabic now, and I think you’d be proud. I still watch Jeopardy with Grandpa, but it isn’t the same. We both miss you. 

You stopped noticing me a while ago. You stopped holding me in the morning, kissing my face, touching my skin. Why won’t you talk about it?

I always wonder if you dumped me for being a petty liar. You said I was a lot more than that, and I thank you for knocking sense into me.

I wish I didn’t love you as much as I do. Because then I’d resent you as I should. I’ve been your son for 22 years almost and it took you 20 to realize I’m your worst mistake. Thank you for believing in me but if I asked you what you were believing in I don’t think you’d know. I wish you came the parent teacher conferences when they thought I was a genius. I wish you came to the choir concerts in middle school. Thanks for coming to graduation. 

Today I got a second job so I could eat and maybe begin to pay for the tuition you promised to help me with. Thanks for believing in me. I wish you knew more about me

Never left words unsaid. Thank you all.

– Megan

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